post some jokes here..
Beginner's Circle
post some jokes here..
bsgetz
02-26-2008, 2:40 PM
Job opening
The FBI had a job opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing
were done, there were three finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. There was screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
Re: post some jokes here..
bsgetz
02-26-2008, 2:42 PM
A drunk was showing his new apartment to a couple of friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a gong and mallet.
"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup," replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong a whack and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Then someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You ***, it's three-fifteen in the morning."
Re: post some jokes here..
bsgetz
02-26-2008, 2:43 PM
I could not figure it out and had to look at the answer. If you can figure out what these words have in common, you are a lot smarter than I am.
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Assess
Are you peeking or have you already given up?
Give it another try . . .
You will kick yourself when you discover the answer. Go back and look at them again; think hard.
OK . . . Here You Go . . . Hope You Didn't Cheat.
This Is Cool.
Answer:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.
Did you figure it out? Even if you didn't, don't worry. Just send it to more people and stump them; then, you'll feel better, too.
Re: post some jokes here..
bsgetz
02-26-2008, 2:44 PM
The Wal-Mart Greeter (priceless)
A very loud, very unattractive, very mean-acting woman walked into
Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to
Wal-Mart! Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they
ain't. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you
think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter. 'I just
couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day now and
thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!'
Re: post some jokes here..
IM_NOT_LION
02-26-2008, 7:30 PM
lol the Wal-mart one is funny. Im wondering why Wal-mart though? Is it the over-abundance of slack-jawwed mouth breathers? I can talk like that because my mother works there and she assures me everyone is an ***. Either way, good one.
"If you call, one of us is going to be disappointed"
Re: post some jokes here..
clubJWP
04-28-2008, 8:03 AM
lol...ha ha ha real good one mate!
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Re: post some jokes here..
jdk1946
04-28-2008, 2:21 PM
a prostitute would like to have a pet . so while going to the pet store she is trying to think what kind of pet should i get. so AH!! SHE THINKS SHE WOULD LIKE A BIRD. so goes in pet store only to find out they are out of birds. unreal got to pick a day when no parakeets in store so after discussing situation with store owner, she decides to bring home an owl. so after a while she goes out +gets a guy she brings home. when they arrive in bedroom the owl blirts out somebody is goung to get f....d !! so after a few occcaions same thing happens each time owl blirts out somebody is going to get f....d !! a little embarrassing but true. then one day she comes home alone and the owl blirts out hopefullly somebody is going to get f....d only with the answer from the prostitute NOT YOU YOU BIG EYED ***!!! LOL JACK ps i know no one else will laugh at this but always one of my favorites.
Re: post some jokes here..
jdk1946
04-28-2008, 2:40 PM
why did the llama cross the road???? BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING TIRED OF THE CHICKEN CROSSING THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111 WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Re: post some jokes here..
jdk1946
04-28-2008, 6:38 PM
a man came home early from one on a saturday about noonish only to see his wife in sexy nightie +said to him you can tie me up +do anything you want so he tied her up + went golfing.
Re: post some jokes here..
luckyshaz5
06-16-2008, 6:20 PM
PADDY KEEPS HAVING HIS PROFILE REJECTED ON DATING SITE MATCH.COM, ONE OF THE QUESTIONS IS "WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A WOMAN?" APPARENTLY "MY ***" IS NOT AN ACCEPABLE ANSWER!
Re: post some jokes here..
jdk1946
06-30-2008, 4:03 PM
that must be why my dating site bleeps me out!!! i know i want same thing lol jack